Tuesday, May 18, 2010

One writes, the other says

I told him that we were never friends when we started
So he writes to me and tells me that I was always his friend
I ask if he could be mine and he said that he does not want to
which means...he was never my friend to begin with......I cry as I think about this
I have lost so much and sometimes I wonder if I ever gained anything in the 1st place

The other tell me that I give and I give alot, I'm a giver
He is at a slower pace
He said if he does not repond I should understand that he is in an awkward situation

Ah....so much pain involved in showering someone with love
Perhaps one day, i will reach a point where I won't want to give anymore
As there are more takers present than givers

I am so hurt
I have been hurting for so long
I wish I could just disappear

I ask myself these days if love is even worth it anymore
affection, tenderness, are all these real or just a passing moment
If it is a passing moment, then let it just pass and not stop for me
so that I do not have to live with the pain when it is gone

Saturday, May 8, 2010

So much in so little time

He said that I showed him so much in so little time
That he would never forget me for that
Apologies after apologies for the pain and hurt caused to us, our families and friends

I smile as I hear of his accomplishments
I was right, he'd do so much better without me
I wanted to see him shine
and shine brightly
I see this now and it brings me much happiness

He's being offered to travel the continents
I smile and say, perhaps now you will meet the one that is truly meant to be for you
He chuckles, saying it is impossible
I said, when love comes, don't let her go, not this time

He tells me he misses the intimacy, the kisses, the passion
Tears well up in my eyes, I do too, I miss the hope I once had, wounded by my own understanding of love
I still see the goodness in him
Two wonderful people shining brightly but apart
I'd rather he shine brightly while apart then be hurt in my presence

I wish nothing but love upon him and tons of tenderness
I see a broken soul in him too
For it takes one to know another.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Tearing yet smiling

It is probably a good thing that no one will ever get to read this and even if they do, it is better they do not know me.

Why, I was the one always with the lamp and the fire
helping the other
pursuing the other shamelessly

Then, I lay the bed
I set the night,
I make the music
and I light the fire

I run out of wood, no more fuel
No one present to offer me half of what I gave
I have nothing left
Those who said they would stay
have long gone when I could not light the fire

Here I am, looking over and seeing
the remains of nothing
Yet, still in search
I see a flame in the distance
I walk, no matter how long it takes
I think I am reaching
I have reached
But it is gone

Gone elsewhere, to set the night for another...
I smile, tearing