Sunday, December 19, 2010

Universal Loving Kindness and Integral Assessment

As I was practiving the universal loving kindness, what kept coming to my mind, is me wanting to be part of a huge team effort that supports human rights, somthing that I have always wanted to so. Besides, I have always been in the human services industry. This exercise only reinstated what lies deep within me; I need to extend help to those who deserve it, need it but often find it hard to stand up for themselves.

Looking at myself at this point, I think the area that needs the most work is psychospiritual. If I can bring peace within my soul then my biological struggles (meaning illness) will not be as bothersome. I will not have to worry of I am going to die just like my dad. Infact the truth is, I am not afraid of death at this point, I am hurt by how others have viewed my illness. So if I can come to a point of being comfortable under my own skin then everything else will fall into place because at that point of time, I would be at peace within, I would feel one with everything that surrounds me.

Specfic exercises of things that I can foster psychospiritual development within me;
-positive affirmations on a daily basis when I am at a relaxed state
-Move out of state to be on my own, see the beauty that surrounds me
-Be open to the ones who are closest to me, being honest about how I feel
-listen to calming music daily
-prayer that my lawsuit will end so that I can move on

These are really what is important for me because I find myself being caught between the past, the present and the future and my only solace is accessing my inner self and my communication with the higher one.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Second Best

Little girl ran up to her mommy and said
"mommy, mommy, look I got 86/100 for math"
Mommy said, "that's good but did you see your brother's score?
He got 98/100,."

Lady, went up to her husband and said,
"honey, I prepared your favorite dish
you joining me at the table for dinner?"
Hubby replied, "Ahhh...I got my game on,
will join you later"

Woman in pain, asked her hubby
"please come, lay beside me"
Hubby asked, "why?"
Woman, sobbed...

Times passes by

Man comes along, sees this beautiful lady
asks her out, she goes out
Then the real struggles came, she reached out
He backed away, his thoughts dwelling on another
Beautiful lady, remains a friend
One day, man tells her he bought his beloved a diamond ring
Beautiful lady smiles at her own nakedness
Beautiful lady cries, wounded by love's own flames

....always second best....

You plant the seeds
You water the plant everyday
You talk to it, you nurture it
Flowers bloom,
Fruits become visible

I have started to plant my seeds
....let me fetch my own water from the well...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Mental Fitness Unit 5 Project

Hi all, here is my unit 5 project. At first I did not know how to upload my presentation but a good friend of mine in Singapore taught me how. Enjoy the presentation.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Subtle Mind

I enjoyed the subtle mind practice versus the loving-kindness practice. I think it is because I found so much comfort in not having to force myself to think about anything. It was easier to calm my mind by not thinking. The loving kindness practice called for more discipline on my part, where I had to stop thoughts such as ahh...what is going to happen with my job, when should I relocate to thoughts of loving kindness to self, a person who is unwell, strangers and then to all living see I have to think, there is intention which means forcing my mind, there is conscious intention. With all the chaotic thoughts taking up space in my head, the subtle mind kind of gave me a break:)

When I am spiritually well, I find that there is an endless flow of strength for me to engage in activities that I like or require my attention. I do not have to force myself. On the other hand, when I am spiritually unwell, even getting out of bed is a task. In simple term, feeling spiritually well to me means that I am ok, my presence is needed in this universe, I see the bigger purpose and when I am in this state of mind anything that I do turns out to have a postive outcome and when I see the positive outcome I feel great physically, emotionally and mentally.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Loving Kindness

The loving kindness practice for me was kind of an interesting one. I say this because I do find the instructions helpful on the other hand I found it rather disruptive especially when I am beginning to enjoy the sound of the waves. However, the sound of the waves was kind of artificial too, it was repetitive the same sounds, very fake. I think this is the case as I am used to listening to music that has no interruptions which helps me focus better. I must say that the method of practive that is focusing on your loved one, sick one, strangers and all living beings including enemies is a rather complex one and one that is very hard to do and at times I found it hard because I am still angry with some people. I think practice and time will certainly help.

The concept of "mental workout" is basically training your mind, being contemplative, feeding it with positive thoughts even when it is difficult. Research indicates that mental workout leads to gaining wisdom, peace, compassion, happiness and wholeness. Through time, we create an inner haven within oursleves, a place that we will want to keep coming back to however it takes perseverance. Spending time in contemplative practice on a daily basis perhaps twice a day through meditation where I repeat postive affirmations to myself with each breath can foster psychological health for me.

Dacher, E.S. (2006). Psychospiritual Flourishing, Integral Health: The Path to Human Flourishing.
Laguna Beach, CA: Basic Health Publication, Inc.

Friday, December 3, 2010


Two friends, Layla and Shyla
Talking, laughing, website designs
Drinks, parties, sweets, laptop and then

Layla asked Shyla
So, what about him?
Shyla said, I let him go
Layla asked, why?

Shyla with a twinkle in her eye...

I planted the flowers they were pretty but not enough
The flowers next door were gorgeous

Everyday I walked up the hill, barefoot
To be with my beloved, in my brokeness
When I got tired, I tried to hold his hand so I will not fall
Ahhh...but I forget, he is already up the hill, looking down at me
One day, I fell while walking up the hill
I started to crawl, I became hungry and thirsty
Perhaps my beloved would come to get me
I crawled till my palms bled and my knees bruised
My beloved did not come

In my brokeness, I cannot cage a bird that wants to fly
In my brokeness, I still want to hear the bird sing
If not near, from afar
At least I can still dance when I hear the music

I am the ballerina who bows out gracefully after the dance...
So tell me, did I do my turns right?
How was my foot work?
Will you clap for me?

Monday, November 29, 2010

My Wellness and Experience with Rainbow meditation

Let's see on a scale of 1-10 for my physical well-being, I would be 5, spiritual well-being 6 and psychological well-being 5.5. Yes, they do not look great at all and I would like for these numbers to change. On the physical level, I have been going through some struggles medically though I do think that this is about to improve soon. Have been on medication that has caused some liver problems but my doctors has discontinued this. For Spiritual well-being, I am struggling with a bit of a depression and am having a hard time trusting the superior one, it is coming back since I have started meditation and prayer again. For my psychological well-being, when things are not as great as they are, it is hard to convince myself otherwise which is exactly what I am going through; negative thoughts.

I have thought about goals for each of these areas and so here it is:-
Physical well-being: I would like to let my body heal and start doing stretches and slowly and slowly get back deeper into dancing.
Spiritual well-being: I would like to spend 15-30 minutes each day in prayer and meditation.
Psychological well-being: I would like to spend at least 15 minutes each day reading literature, quotes that are postive to counter the negative thoughts in my mind.

Exercise that can benefit my physical well-being at this point would be vinyasa yoga, I just love the flow and belly dancing, helps with creativity and ultimately makes my body healthy.
As for spiritual well-being, my meditation would be focusing on my breath and I do like focusing on all my chakras.
For psychological well-being, I love literature such as Rumi, Khalil Gibran and I am open to others as well.

I absolutely enjoyed the rainbow meditation, it made me feel very calm and relaxed. I would like to use this on a daily basis as part of my meditation exercise. It was nice to not have to answer the phone. I think I would benefit from doing this on a daily basis simply because I do like the idea of chakra meditation.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

My Experience with the Journey Exercise

Hi there
I would like to say that it brought me back to the times where I used to meditate on a frequent basis. At times during the process I wanted to cry simply because I recalled the times when I was much more dedicated to the practice of meditation and then being the current state I am there has been too much pain, law suit, breaching of medical information, sexual harassment, hostile work environment, they are all too overwhelming and I find it hard to get away from it all.

This meditation experience reminded me that it does not have to be the circumstances but I can set aside 15 minutes each day no matter how bad things are....and those 15 minutes might be helping my body organs for a long long time.

Welcome to My Blog

Hi Professor and Classmates of HW420
Welcome to my blog.
I know I have written stuff in here that make some go like, what??:) But please free to comment and have fun:)

Friday, June 4, 2010

You gave me away

I sit and watch the smiles
I hear the laughter
sometimes it is from me
laughing not at another but me

laughter changes to tears
I wonder what my four walls would say to me
about my tears if they could talk
Would they be tired too, just like everyone else
just like the one I loved the most
just like the one who hurt me me most

I watch children
Watching them smile at me
eases my pain of shattered dreams
holding them, gives me the tenderness and warmth
I so long for each night
the same tenderness and warmth I have been longing for

But then I have to walk away
As nothing is mine
Nothing was ever mine
Not even my own emotions

I gave my all, I traveled round the world
just to give you my all
But you gave me away
I gave me away

You say you long for love
Love was there
Right there beside you
Greeting you every morning
Calling on you every afternoon
Waiting for you every night
And crying each time you went out of sight

You gave it away
You gave me away

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

One writes, the other says

I told him that we were never friends when we started
So he writes to me and tells me that I was always his friend
I ask if he could be mine and he said that he does not want to
which means...he was never my friend to begin with......I cry as I think about this
I have lost so much and sometimes I wonder if I ever gained anything in the 1st place

The other tell me that I give and I give alot, I'm a giver
He is at a slower pace
He said if he does not repond I should understand that he is in an awkward situation much pain involved in showering someone with love
Perhaps one day, i will reach a point where I won't want to give anymore
As there are more takers present than givers

I am so hurt
I have been hurting for so long
I wish I could just disappear

I ask myself these days if love is even worth it anymore
affection, tenderness, are all these real or just a passing moment
If it is a passing moment, then let it just pass and not stop for me
so that I do not have to live with the pain when it is gone

Saturday, May 8, 2010

So much in so little time

He said that I showed him so much in so little time
That he would never forget me for that
Apologies after apologies for the pain and hurt caused to us, our families and friends

I smile as I hear of his accomplishments
I was right, he'd do so much better without me
I wanted to see him shine
and shine brightly
I see this now and it brings me much happiness

He's being offered to travel the continents
I smile and say, perhaps now you will meet the one that is truly meant to be for you
He chuckles, saying it is impossible
I said, when love comes, don't let her go, not this time

He tells me he misses the intimacy, the kisses, the passion
Tears well up in my eyes, I do too, I miss the hope I once had, wounded by my own understanding of love
I still see the goodness in him
Two wonderful people shining brightly but apart
I'd rather he shine brightly while apart then be hurt in my presence

I wish nothing but love upon him and tons of tenderness
I see a broken soul in him too
For it takes one to know another.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Tearing yet smiling

It is probably a good thing that no one will ever get to read this and even if they do, it is better they do not know me.

Why, I was the one always with the lamp and the fire
helping the other
pursuing the other shamelessly

Then, I lay the bed
I set the night,
I make the music
and I light the fire

I run out of wood, no more fuel
No one present to offer me half of what I gave
I have nothing left
Those who said they would stay
have long gone when I could not light the fire

Here I am, looking over and seeing
the remains of nothing
Yet, still in search
I see a flame in the distance
I walk, no matter how long it takes
I think I am reaching
I have reached
But it is gone

Gone elsewhere, to set the night for another...
I smile, tearing

Saturday, March 13, 2010


Hi All
I feel that this would be my last chance to share something about me with all of you, wonderful writers besides when I receive your replies or if I do, I will know that those responses were well thought out as writing helps to clarify one's thoughts.

The last few months have been very painful for me, my marriage was on the rocks and at this point we both would like to give it a try. I still do feel very hurt and emotionally withdrawn especially from those who once told me that I am part of the family, "my husband's family". It was not true of course. It has brought me so much pain an distress and everytime I think about what happened I feel hurt at my own understanding of love. Perhaps I have painted such a beautiful picture of love, trust, friendship only to be told the truth that it does not exist. Or does it?

The good thing is I am able to smile again, there are wonderful people I have met previously or recently that have brightened my life. I am doing really well at my job and absolutely loving it. However, I feel this battle deep within me, to trust or not to trust again. How many chances to you give someone, one, two , three or seventy times seven like the Bible says?

I smile when I think about myself as being very passionate, intense and seeking likewise experiences in everything I do. I have not been disappointed in many areas but in love, I felt I have failed. How do I trust again? I can't love and be bitter at the same time and I do not know which path to take. I know which path I would like to take but will I be hurt again?

Thank you all:)

Friday, March 5, 2010

My Paper, Almost Done

I honestly cannot wait to see the final product. I am also excited about letting different readers read my paper. They are going to be outsiders, one of them will be my boss another, my co-worker. It would be interesting to hear what others have to say about its content, grammatical usage and the topic on the whole.

I feel that the writing process can be a rather tedious procedure especially if you have never been exposed to the different techniques. However, once adopt and utilize these techniques accordingly, it makes you feel like a skilled writer. I want to use the word an "expert".

Having gone through the writing process, I would like to say that I felt a mixture of frustration and joy at times. Frustration, when you feel like you have worked so hard and yet be made known to you that your paper is not good enough. Joy, when I took those very same ideas that people were not receptive to and revised, modified, whatever you would want to call it but ultimately resulting in readers being more receptive this time.

I have come to realise that it is all about the reader. You basically have to cater to your readers. Therefore, write what you think will be well received by your targeted audience.

Best of Luck to All of You for the Finals! All of you have worked very hard and I hope that you do really well:)

Sunday, February 28, 2010

My Blog's life after this course

Honestly, I do not know. I do know that I like writing and I do it quite a bit in my journal. It is always nice to have a pen in your hands and write something down versus turning on the computer, waiting to connect to the internet and then writing or maybe trying to troubleshoot as there might be some network problems. However, the nice thing about blogging on the internet is, one can set it in a way where others do not have access to it. Writing it down in a journal, someone may have access to it if they manage to find it's hiding place.

As much as I do not want people out there to read what I have written, I also do value the comments on whatever I have written so far. It is rather strange, it is like wanting someone to know you yet desiring to be anonymous. I do not understand this. It reminds me of the very many mystic poets such as Kabir, Rumi and more. Such depth and impact in each word used and yet we never had the chance to meet these poets. Perhaps that was meant to be, that we only meet them through reading what they have written.

So yes, I would still write but I do not know if it will be on my blog, maybe yes, maybe no.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Peer Reviews and My Experiences with them.

I think I learn alot from feedback. Gaining feedback is key in improving upon a particular task. There have been negative experiences but I want to say more postive than negative. Having both types of experiences are also valuable because it helps you decide which information you should be recptive to and which ones you should throw out the window. I think when a person provides feedback, their one motive should be, to help the other get better and not to crush the other. This is visible by seeing the content of feedback offered, words used. Are they being very objective or is is merely a personal attack?

I think that we are all teachers and it is just very important to come from a point of nurturing and building a person. Words are very powerful so we must be very wise and selective in how we use them. This reminds me of my Art teacher, Ms Victoria Loy, in high school. By the way, I failed eveything in high school except Art and English and I think that a big part of me obtaining wonderful grades for these two subjects were mainly due to my teachers being very encouraging, helpful and nurturing. When I was stuck at one point or another, they would ask me questions that made me think and come up with solutions on my won. I recall skipping my dental appointments just to be with Ms Vistoria Loy and working on my project. She was very gentle and guided me through. We would work in silence and talked only when needed and every sentence that came out of her mouth was inspiring. When I was done, I scored a distinction for it!

Thanks to great feedback, from great people.

Friday, February 12, 2010

In the last 6 weeks.......

Well, I started working at my new job. I have not had a full-time job in the last one year and eight months, so you must know how pleased I am to be able to wake up in the morning, utilize public transportation, be amongst many who use the escalators and of course get a pay check just like all those employed people out there.

Not having that full-time job was very painful, that lack of direction, that uselessness I felt, I still am not able to bring myself to tell you how hard it was and how much self-confidence I lost during that peirod of unemployment. Having finally being given the opportunity to sit infront of an interviewing panel and then wait for a week before hearing the "Yes, we would like to make you an offer" was simply ecstatic!

I have been in training and just last week, my boss told me that I am ready to roll on my own and I have been on cloud nine since. During those diffcult times, friends told me that the wheels will one day turns and things will not be the same and yes indeed the tables have turned and I am simply thankful for the many friends who stood by me even though there were some who left and again, writing this as I am thinking about it, has brought tears to my eyes. I guess I will have to focus on the ones who stood by me rather than the ones who left. But again the ones who left were the closest ones and I still hurt but at least every morning when I wake up I can thank God for being there and also I can now lift up my face in pride as I walk down the streets to catch the train.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

How is school influencing my life at this point?

I would like to say that I am very happy to be in school and that it does scare me when I think about what I would do when it is over. I have always been one who likes learning new things, knowledge is extremely important to me and therefore I have to constantly be exposed to new information. At this point, school is doing this for me. I have also noticed that I have learnt to be better at managing my time and am rather disciplined.

I think that for me, I will always be studying something. I plan on getting my Master's after I am done with my Bsc. It would probably be about 2-3 years before I do it though as I need to finish paying my student loan before I can study again. So within that 2-3 years I will have to make sure that I have enough to challenge me intellectually. I do think that whatever I am learning now, I would want to create opportunities for me to put into practice what I have learnt especially when after graduating. However, sometimes I do find myself drawing from what I have learnt and incorporating in my daily life and I think that this is how it should be.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Does Counseling Help?

Hi everyone, Welcome to Unit 4. Times passes by so fast.
I looked at the topics on plagiarism and then I thought to myself that it is interesting to share my thoughts on it. However, I decided to talk about counseling and I would like your comments.
Do you think counseling can help a person?
I often think that counseling on benefits those who are willing to make a change. But what about someone who is forced into counseling? Will there be changes? Will the person become even more resistant? Even if no changes are made, counseling does force a person to think. Questions are being asked between counselor and client. Both parties are made to think. I sometimes think about the movie goodwill hunting where Matt Damon is basically ordered to go for counseling and in the end he actually goes to find the woman that he likes, he did not want to be that mathematician that everyone was trying to help him be. What I would like to know though is what happens after he finds that woman and lives with her? Can they be happy together especially when he has gone through so much? I guess here is my question, can a person who has gone through so much pain be able to treat another person with love. My answer would be, yes if they are willing to receive love themselves but if they are not? Then what? Are they then meant to live love being wounded animals or is there truly a way to heal those wounds? I do not know the answer.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Online Student, do I like it or not?

Well, I will have to start by saying that I like the flexibility it offers however it is not easier than being a classroom student. Studying online, requires motivation, discipline, planning and proper time management. Oh yes, let me not forget to mention that there is no room for procastination! So yes, I do like it, make me a better person. No as well as I do miss the face-to-face interaction. Even though there is quite a bit of interaction with my classmates, I feel that nothing beats patting someone on the back and saying "did you study for the test yet?"

I do have to remind myself that there are reasons why I settled for the online degree program and one huge reason is so I can travel. I did not want my geographical location to hinder my studies and so this is a perfect situation right now.

I think it would be great if classmates could meet someday, perhaps through a reunion of some sort. Should we meet, i think it would be such an interesting experience as we are getting to meet in person after tons of discussions, sharing of thoughts so on and so forth. It is very simple, even though it is convenient to be able to read books online, nothing beats holding that book in your hands or does it?

Monday, January 18, 2010


How does it feel to be betrayed?
Betrayed by the ones you truly trusted?
When betrayed, what is the lesson? To not trust agian? To be more careful? What is it?
A very good friend from afar told me how she was betrayed by the people who were the closest to her....
How everyone she loved turned against her in the last hour....
Then I was told by another friend that the pain of betrayal does not go away it remains
Then I added that even though the pain of betrayal remains, there is something we can do for ourselves...that is to fill ourselves with love and perhaps...perhaps...the pain of betrayal will get lesser over time.
But one who has suffered betrayal, will he/she find the courage to let love flow? In order to have love, you have to trust right?
Trust, love these go hand in hand...don't they?

Monday, January 11, 2010


Why must there be algebra? Most of the time, we are using subtraction, division, multiplication and addition. It is basically 50-30, 5+10 etc do we go around 50xy + 20y - 30k? I guess algebra is required for more complicated mathematical operations. But again, do we all have to learn this? Do I have to learn it? Perhaps some of you may already know why I am writing this, it is plain and simple, I hate Math!

It took me 10 minutes to complete one problem on prime factorization when others are able to do it in minutes, some seconds. Papers I used are filled with scribbles all over the page. When I was younger, I failed Math all the time and we all know that having repeated failures sometimes lead to discouragement and then a lack of motivation to even try again. This was what happened to me, I told myself, what the heck, since I cannot do Math, I will spend time doing something I am good at and that is play! Guess what, I have no regrets because I really did well in playing!

Here I am though, taking Math once again but the difference this time, I have a great lecturer, I am willing to try and I want to learn and yes I'd still play but I'll do the Math first:)

Saturday, January 9, 2010

The Ocean is too much for me....

Come back inside, before the waves come crashing in...
It is safer here, come back inside will you?
How many times do I have to plead with you to come back inside?

Waves crashing in....the house is now a part of the ocean
I forgot, you can swim, I can't
Will you save me, or will I drown
I'm holding on to my dear life
Are you really letting me go

Deep blue is all I see now
Ocean, here I am, will you spare me
Or should I let you cosume me.....


Background noise of the TV,
clicking of the computer keyboard,
slamming of doors,
interruption of dreams,
journeys of the soul cut short.

Now I hear the rain,
there is darkness in the room,
darkness in all the rooms,
darkness in the house,
I follow the darkness,
A smile forms,
now I can hear the sound of silence.
Can you?

Welcome Everyone

It is nice to finally set up my blog. I never knew that this process could be so easy besides now I will have no excuse to state in words the thoughts that often crowd my mind. I believe that sometimes it is easier to write than to speak. My ex-boss, now a very good friend of mine once told me, "writing clarifies the mind". Enjoy!