As I was practiving the universal loving kindness, what kept coming to my mind, is me wanting to be part of a huge team effort that supports human rights, somthing that I have always wanted to so. Besides, I have always been in the human services industry. This exercise only reinstated what lies deep within me; I need to extend help to those who deserve it, need it but often find it hard to stand up for themselves.
Looking at myself at this point, I think the area that needs the most work is psychospiritual. If I can bring peace within my soul then my biological struggles (meaning illness) will not be as bothersome. I will not have to worry of I am going to die just like my dad. Infact the truth is, I am not afraid of death at this point, I am hurt by how others have viewed my illness. So if I can come to a point of being comfortable under my own skin then everything else will fall into place because at that point of time, I would be at peace within, I would feel one with everything that surrounds me.
Specfic exercises of things that I can foster psychospiritual development within me;
-positive affirmations on a daily basis when I am at a relaxed state
-Move out of state to be on my own, see the beauty that surrounds me
-Be open to the ones who are closest to me, being honest about how I feel
-listen to calming music daily
-prayer that my lawsuit will end so that I can move on
These are really what is important for me because I find myself being caught between the past, the present and the future and my only solace is accessing my inner self and my communication with the higher one.